the other 25.

some of you (younger) readers may be familiar with the phenomenon on facebook asking users to list 25 things about themselves, and then assign 25 friends to do the same. it's meant to be "25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you." i don't usually participate in chain letters or things of the sort, but i like things like this on facebook because of the grassroots feel of it (someone far away and anonymous started this and it spread like wildfire) and because it opened the door to intimacy between my friends and i. we really did learn a lot about each other. i have heard and said things like "i just love how ___ used to ____ when he was a little boy, that is such a sweet story...." but we wouldn't have known these things without facebook's 25. 

i published my 25 a few weeks after i was tagged to do so. it was written while i was sick on the couch and had nothing else to do. as soon as it was published more secrets, habits, goals and facts started rushing back to me that i wish i had put on the list. 

so i thought i would do a follow up 25:

1. for most of my post-pubescent life people have assumed i'm a vegetarian. whenever i was visiting friends or my boyfriend-of-the-moment's respective families, parents would assure me they had prepared vegetarian entrees for me. this happened even with friends i had known for years. eventually when someone would ask "aren't you a vegetarian?" my response would be "no, i just dress like one."

2. when i was little my mother's mother would come visit. she was rather gruff-- a methodist farm girl-- and she would always tell us kids, whether directly or through my mother, that we were gonna catch our death of cold if we didn't put on socks or shoes or slippers. i would defy her-- whether directly or through my mother-- and run around barefoot inside and outside. when she got seriously sick with alzheimer's/ovarian cancer, almost as soon as i got the news, i put on slippers without really making the connection. she died in July of 2008. i haven't been barefoot-- inside or outside-- since.

3. i used to lie about the scar on my left knee-- i got it in 5th grade. i told everyone it was from diving to protect a friend. in truth i just slipped on a rainy gate and fell down. i was that embarrassed about making a misstep (literally).

4. the things i most want are the things i most fear: a wildly successful and acclaimed career as a writer, to be deeply in love and married, and to raise healthy and wild children. i fear these things won't happen, and i fear they will. either way it could be a total disaster. 

5. i think the worst mistake a film could make is flashback, especially sustained flashback. i just hear the director whispering in my ear "hey, remember like 45 minutes ago when this happened? and that happened? and this happened? wasn't that great...." 

6.  i hit puberty (hard) around 9. i had already graduated to a completely different clothing department; all my friends were still shopping in the little kids section. it was around this age that i started lying about my weight, pants size, and experimenting with not eating. bodies are terrifying-- there are been periods of my life where it's less scary. and periods where it's more so. 

7. my new years resolution from the age of about 6 till 13 was to be flat in the splits. i kept getting bored with it, and then i quit ballet. every new years i still think of it, and make it my secret resolution; i still, honestly, expect this to happen.

8. i used to hate coffee and wine. now i'm not sure how i could survive a few days without one and a few weeks without the other.

9. certain things will always remind me of CVS episodes. i listened to coldplay's parachutes album when i was getting CAT and MRI scans. i had episodes almost every time after watching moulin rouge, and now refuse to watch it. i was listening to a lot of van morrison during this phase too, burning certain candles, wearing certain chapsticks. sometimes the memories come back all at once, and they're more bodily than i am entirely comfortable with. 

10. i never wished for my parents to get back together.  

11. my first cigarette was when i was 12 years old. i smoked on and off from the age of 12 till the age of 24. (now i pretty much consider myself "quit"). my parents never knew, but i confessed to my mother around the time the royal tenenbaums came out. during the scene explaining margot's secret smoking she shot me a sidelong glance. i felt very proud.

12. i wrote my first poem under the forsythia bush in our front yard. it was about my first encounter with death, when my uncle died of cancer. i wrote it there not because of the flowers, but because that was where our parakeet was buried. i felt it appropriate to write graveside.

13. when i told my mother i was going to quit ballet she told me i would probably regret it someday. i didn't believe her. even though i'm too short to have made a career of it as a prima or principal, and as said in Center Stage, would have just ended up "in the back of the corps waving a rose back and forth": i regret quitting ballet.

14. during junior high and early high school i was painfully political. my closet doors were covered with images of genocide, starvation, protests, war, merchandise from unamerican activities, and fliers from marches and activist events i had attended or wanted to attend. i studied the cases of the west memphis three, mumia abu jamal, and leonard peltier obsessively. i burnt myself out before i could vote.

15. i know a lot about the columbine shooting. i am familiar with the background of the killers and the victims. i know what plan A was. i know the timeline of the shootings. i could probably draw an aerial map of the school. when columbine happened, i was sort of a freak at my school. moreover, i hung out with the REAL freaks. this whole thing fascinated me. 

16. i (usually) sneeze in 3s.

17. i have never been inside of a tanning bed.

18. when i was a junior in high school my CVS got really bad. i dropped a lot of weight really really fast, and was missing a week of school per month (at least) to be in the hospital. i didn't know it until the school year was almost over, but the persistent rumor was that i was being treated for bulimia. there was a girl in my english class at the time who actually was bulimic/anorexic. her eyes were always on me. honestly, no one knew how to react to CVS. once a girl asked me "so, since you know you're just going to be throwing up for a week, do you just like, eat whatever you want now?"... most girls seemed kind of jealous.

19. i have always been private with CVS. i don't like having episodes in front of anyone. the only people who have seen me in an episode are my mom, my sister, doctors/nurses, my godmother who graciously offered my mother a break to go home and shower, my father was in and out during this period and never saw its height but saw the periphery, and an episode once started-- basically in the middle of a sentence-- in front of all my girlfriends at a sleepover. and years later a trip to a walmart trying to get mango gatorade to nurse a hangover ended with me moaning @ my adorable greek boyfriend to drive me home as fast as he could.

20. i have always been attracted to jewish men. 

21. while watching jurassic park, jeff goldblum's face filled the screen. that was when i realized i was a woman. the punim on that man.... to this day i blush whenever i see him. or hear his name. 

22. i dated an alcoholic for 2 years. a real alcoholic: a 24-pack before noon, he would get the shakes and really sweaty if he didn't have enough in his system. it was the worst and most abusive relationship of my life. it broke me almost completely. i have been in recovery for about 4 years; only now am i starting to feel again. 

23. late one night while playing in the front yard my sister and i saw a ghost in the tree next door. i saw hallie staring off into the blackness and i kept asking "what? hallie? what? let's go inside." then i followed her gaze and there was a glowing white woman with black hair and black eyes in the tree, sort of hazy and disembodied. hallie and i were frozen. then we finally ran to the door of our house, which was locked, and pounded on it to be let in. by the time our dad came to the door, and we described in unison what we saw, she was gone. 

24. when my family lived in a small house in sugarhouse a neighborhood dog would bark most mornings, waking up my very cranky father. he was so upset by it that one afternoon i put perfume on a grape and snuck outside and tried to feed it to the dog in an attempt to poison it. i didn't want my dad to be mad in the mornings anymore.

25. i can make casseroles, lasagnas, glazes, breads, cookies, stews, wraps, ornate omelets, and stuff most people would have to google image to know what it is-- but i burn every grilled cheese sandwich i try to make before the cheese even melts, and i have to read and reread "bluebox" mac and cheese directions when i make that. i wasn't made to cook like a "bachelor"-- or, i guess, a poor person.

i am more mad than i have ever been. almost.

On february 8th, 2009 parts of a new law go into affect: CPSIA, the Consumer Product Safety Improvement Act. Aside from being a vague and awkward acronym, this new move by the US government is a classic US mint two-sided coin: on one side it is going to destroy and devastate millions of American businesses and lives, and on the other side it is "for the children," so it's probably fine. It's a pretty extreme coin.

Let's begin.

In late 2007 and early 2008, China sold millions of toys to big box stores in the US. Those toys contained trace amounts of lead, and some kids got sick, and those toys and more were investigated and recalled and burned and there was panic in the streets. Suddenly everyone was wondering if their Chinese-made bottles and binkies and... everything marked MADE IN CHINA... might contain lead. No one wanted to kill babies or make them sick, everyone could agree on that. Everyone wanted babies to have toys and blankets and books. What are we to do?

During this most recent election season some legislation was passed to protect children from lead. The CPSIA. We all agreed we want to protect the children, fine, but how CPSIA decided to do that is... ridiculous at best. 

This new law is going to require that every item that is going to be vended or given to children needs to be tested for lead. Testing for lead costs thousands of dollars +, and after testing is complete you get a stamp or card or something to give when they say "let me see your papers." This testing requirement applies to big box stores like Walmart and Target, where these problems originated. It also applies to anyone with an Etsy account, anyone handmaking toys, anyone writing children's books on any level of professionalism, your grandmother knitting you a blanket for her eventual great-grandchildren (less enforceable, but still illegal).

All hand-made items must undergo testing. For thousands of dollars. So a handmade bib, maybe retailing for $8-$10 normally, will now cost $2,000.00, give or take, for total production.

There's good news though: this is law sort of retroactive! It applies to clothing, toys, books, and dreams sold second-hand, whether it's at a thrift store or an antique store. Oh wait... that's really bad news. 

My sister and I talked about the toys we wanted littering our house, should we ever procreate. We lamented the plastic and stickers stuck to plastic and hot pink and yellow that line the walls of modern toy-stores. I really wanted a life of toys handmade with love by my friends, by Etsy, and antiques gathered on roadtrips with my life partner over time. The idea that my children might have something with Hannah Montana or whoever dominates the world by then, that my house is gonna be plastic and bright and gross, makes me want to not procreate or to expatriate. 

When you go to FAQs sections of any CPSIA links, they have several attempts to answer these concerns. The Law as written says it is retroactive... the clarification says "Children items offered for resale after February 10th 2009 will still have to meet the new requirements for lead and pthalate content, but vendors will not have to have those items tested-" ok so... how will they meet those standards? how is that circular logic enforceable? "and vendors should therefore avoid products that aren't certified to be lead free."

Great. Now my stomach AND head hurt.

As an Antiques Roadshow fan, I'm pissed. I was on a constant quest to find this swan sled!

But ok, the law is at least TRYING to erase what it said about antiques and used clothing. It's hearing the public outcry and kind of stammering through it, "wait, uh, what we meant to say was, don't buy stuff with lead, but you don't have to test them, but try to test them, you know?"

Sure USA, whatever you say man.

The core problem here is the handmade crafts industry. In case you don't know (and you might, unless you have a job with the US government, in which case you have no idea what's going on out here), crafts are a burgeoning industry. There was a time, circa 2000-2001, where covers of magazines professed that knitting was bigger than yoga. Even now kids are making their own scarves, hats, and bags, DIY books are being sold at Urban. Hot tattooed chicks (rockabilly, perhaps) form organizations called Dallas/Austin/Houston/New York/etc Craft Media, and make clothes for the pierced girl-on-the-go, and her baby. These items have been dominating the internet, have had tents at SXSW festivals, and been sold in local boutiques.

Then there's the more traditional approach. Housewives, perhaps even here in Utah (I haven't looked it up), like to knit, crochet, quilt, and even scrapbook. Women church organizations making baby blankets to give to hospitals... oh yeah, by the way, this applies to giving stuff away, whether its official donations or just giving it to your friends. 

Everyone is DIYing. But maybe not anymore.

The bears by Cristina Gunn were one of the most profitable and popular items on the Crate Lung Tour. With time, parts, and labor, they cost $20 to sell. What a bargain.

If Cristie had gotten fabric, stuffing, thread, and needles that all had the "we don't have lead" stamp of approval, once she reshaped it all into the shape of a bear, that bear would have to be tested again as a new item. Just keep imagining the worst thing this law could do, and it did it.

THERE IS GOOD NEWS: and not sarcastic good news. I assigned a poli-sci major friend of mine to the task of figuring this all out, and he found that a stay has been granted to these more extreme aspects of the law so these can be more carefully considered. They have acknowledged flaws, and that it was done hastily. The time allows for public commentary. This is our chance to potentially change it!

Ultimately, when it comes down to it, the US government failed us in 2007-2008 (and probably before) when it allowed tainted toys into the US from China. They are now about to enforce a law that, yes, will focus on those big box stores, but will ultimately decimate the entire crafts industry. It will make criminals of those of us who love teddy bears.

The solution, of course, is to do what we do with all laws we don't like: don't obey them. Handmade toys and antiques will likely stay a burgeoning industry, just on the black market.

In the mean time: write WHOEVER you can. Also, a lot of stores and crafts people may not even know about this. We could mobilize....

http://cpsia-central.ning.com

and DEFINITELY VISIT HERE

i think... i'm almost doing what i like to do?

all of the crate lung co-op came home unemployed. i, for one, was thrilled.

in the weeks leading up to the tour i was working a 9-5 job @ Body Worlds 3 in SLC, applying to 7ish MFA programs (which entails writing entrance essays, prepping a manuscript, and filling out tons of paperwork), and planning and booking the Crate Lung Co-Op Winter 08 Tour, which was itself a full-time job. i was pulling 20 hour days. we all were. so coming home to "nothing" was like a dream come true. 

of course, i had big plans for my spare time. i wanted to read a few of the hundred books i had acquired on the road, and at the tin house summer workshop of 08 that i hadn't had time to get to (what with all the nonsense mentioned in the previous paragraph). i wanted to clean my room out of all the clothes, shoes, purses, jewelry, papers, books, anything i didn't want or need anymore (anything i wouldn't pack to move somewhere new). allegedly i had joined a book group called Book Chowder, which meets once a month, and consists of people cooler than me.

i also had plans to take a few classes through the U of U's lifelong learning program. as discussed with the co-op over a delicious and leisurely lunch in lawrence kansas, i am aware that a lot of this nonsense we fill our lives with is just to distract us. and to me, that means distract us from the fact that we're going to die someday. i know it's all futile. but still.

i am taking French I. maybe even French II.

(me in Paris, Sacre Coeur)

i am also taking some cooking classes... since it's something i love to do so much. i am taking sushi making I, artisan bread baking, and olive oil and vinegar tasting. i am rather enjoying retirement.

strangely, a few days after getting home, i actually got a job... sort of. i am grading English essays for a certain high school for about $1-$1.50 a piece. it actually works out to decent money, but the best part is i don't have to leave home if i don't want. i can work in my pajamas, i can work in bed, or i can take the papers to a coffee shop and do it alongside whatever else of my own work i have to do.

tomorrow i begin an artist-in-residence, funded by the Utah Arts Council, teaching Skyline High School's Satorian literary magazine for 8 class periods. (i need to be careful-- apparently a poem i almost taught when i was volunteering there was inappropriate). wednesday i will be reading @ the city library as part of their city arts series. what this works out to is: all my paid jobs involve writing and editing right now.

i wonder how long i can keep this going for.